Chapter XXX – The BIG 3 0.

Posted on 4 min read 63 views

The B I G  3 0.

Unlike every other decade celebrated, thirty seems to be a milestone, a turning point, our life’s climax; a point in our lives where we hope to have achieved it ALL + then some and failing to do so is not an option.

Fact: We do not have total control over everything that happens in our lives, therefore failure is inevitable.

When I was younger I remember being asked where do I see myself in *insert timescale here*. Although I understand the meaning behind it, I believe that it is these moments that set the pace for the rest of ourselves. I say this because, once we have provided the answer, we are then encouraged to do whatever it takes to achieve that goal and adjust our lives accordingly. But what happens when we are met with situations that were not part of the plan and causes a detour?  Personally, I don’t recall ever being told that if I do not reach that peak or achieve the goal, that I would not be a failure.

I am sure many of you, just as I, have engaged in conversations discussing what our lives would look like once reached thirty and many of us have not achieved that goal and that is OK. Truthfully, once I reached a certain age and had endured a fair share of hurdles and pit stops, I stopped planning. You see, I am not the sharpest knife in the drawer or the smartest of the bunch, and I own and accept that truth. My circumstances haven’t always been comfortable, and I have had to make adjustments as well as accept certain fates, whether temporary or permanent. I guess you could say that I have learned not to have too many life expectations, not because I don’t think I am incapable of achieving them, but because I feel that putting limitations on my life causes me to be boxed and packaged and I am happy with living and thinking outside of the box.

Chapter XXX

When I turned thirty, I was unmarried, childless, high school diploma only, chasing success, depressed but happy and still unsure how to navigate my way with minimal scarring in the game of life. Social media has played a vital role in how I look at myself and my life as well as the lessons learned. Every day we are graced with beautiful pictures, amazing status updates, achievements, hundreds of likes and so on relating to the lives of others. We have a carefully selected and often heavily edited front seat view into the lives of others and it is this that causes us to feel inadequate. Well, in my opinion anyway. When I look at my social media timelines and then compare my life to what I see I feel like a failure. Consequently, because of this, others compare what they see or better yet don’t see and label me as a failure.

It is hard to truly accept your circumstances and your life in this day and age and that is my truth. I would be lying if I said reaching 30 was easy but 30 has taught me a lot.

Cheers, to the good and bad.

  • I refuse to continue to allow others to make me a prisoner of my own life. We will never be able to please everyone, good thing that is not my job. There will ALWAYS be someway waiting to pass judgement on you for being TRUE to yourself and being unafraid to stand alone. Unhappiness is a disease that is killing people; do not let people steal your joy.
  • A major reality that I learned about friendships this year – they end and it’s OK. Mistakes, fallout’s & disagreements are part of any relationship, friendships are no different. Reaching the end doesn’t always mean there was a falling out, people grow apart. Sometimes, people are just too unhappy and fake to own up to their faults and as a result, the blame always lands on you. Walk Away. Sure, it sucks, it is painful but sometimes left, is the best route to take.
  • Mistakes are a part of who I am, they are my words of yesterday, my footprints of last week, my actions of last month and my choices of last year. We are often defined by past actions or inaction’s and the mistakes we’ve made. Define & measure me by the words I spoke today rather than the whispers of yesterday.
  • I am not infallible, and I do NOT have it all together and I probably never will. I am still learning, and I am a work in progress. I am not out here trying to pretend like my shit doesn’t stink. I have fucked up many times and I am sure I have more to come. Life is a journey and the road travelled will never always be straight or free from curves and blind corners. I can only move forward and that is what I plan to do.
  • Sum of Her is my journey, my thoughts + opinions. It is my no holds barred take on life. Living life based on the opinions of others is slavery. I will be judged regardless, so I am choosing to be judged for being real & true to me.
XOXO
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4 Comments
  • Stevonna
    May 25, 2018

    Nice read Mesh.. keep at it girl… xx

    • hymeshadiana
      May 25, 2018

      Hi Ste,

      Thank you so much, truly means a lot.

  • Brendan
    May 25, 2018

    I want you to know that it’s strange that this mentally relates to me in almost every aspect of turning 30 on may 10,and maybe it’s because we are two beautiful people born in May, also expressing yourself through words isn’t easy but I want to encourage you to continue doing this because you find out who’s really respecting you for who you are when they fully read what you’re saying. One thing I’ve constantly mentioned to others about turning 30, that I was hoping I’d see you say is that it a stage of being ReBirthed if that makes sense. Much Love Lady Bull ❤️💯

    • hymeshadiana
      May 25, 2018

      Hi Brendan,

      Thank you so much for your kind words. I am really glad my words resonated with you.

      I definitely understand what you mean when you say rebirth, but I wouldn’t say I encountered that feeling. For me personally, I would say I have been cleansed a few times throughout my soon to be 31 years walking this earth. The valuable lessons that I have learned, although sometimes complemented with immense pain, have allowed me to see more clearly and to see people for who they are and what they bring into my life.

      x